1. The Boss obviously loves Christmas
The first and most important prerequisite to being the jolly old elf.
2. Springsteen bears a striking resemblance to Tim Allen
It’s obvious that Tim Allen’s character in The Santa Clause was inspired by the life of Bruce Springsteen
3. More than a few people have tried to imitate him
The Avett Brothers
Elvis Costello and Mumford & Sons
4. Of course, there is only one real Santa Springsteen
Next step is Mall Springsteens
5. He’s a guest of honor at the coolest Christmas parties
You may have gotten a Kennedy Center Honor for your career in music, but also because you are Santa Claus, Mr. Springsteen.
7. He is well practiced in accomplishing a lot in one night
Springsteen’s longest show ever was 4 hours and 6 minutes long in Helsinki, Finland, which is pretty close to the North Pole. He played 33 songs and that is roughly equivalent to sliding down the chimney of all of the world’s Christians and/or Christmas celebrators.
8. He brings Santa impersonators on stage just to throw you off
I get it; you have to keep a low profile… but I’m on to you!
9. He’s hoping you find a Reason To Believe
This song is an obvious metaphor for his being Santa Claus (well, maybe not, but perhaps)
10. He’ll occasionally slip up and appear in costume
He can’t resist putting on that red stocking cap because he rocks that look!
11. The Boss has a lot of loyal elf supporters that always help him on his mission
I mean, what else could the E in E Street Band stand for?
12. He ages at an amazingly slow rate
Must be Christmas magic
13. Much like Santa Claus, Springsteen is Dutch in origin
I hardly think this a coincidence. In Dutch, “Springsteen” translates to “Jumping Stone.”
14. When he rocks the beard, it’s perfect
Just imagine that a little bit longer and a little bit whiter
15. He knows the true meaning of Christmas
Springsteen is one of the most generous musicians out there. If there’s going to be a benefit concert, chances are The Boss has top billing.
16. He always seems to know exactly what you want
No word yet on whether he sees you when your sleeping and knows when your awake, but, given that he’s Santa Claus, you can assume that he probably does.