Ain’t no party like a whatever-this-party-is party.
1. The Drink Wine and Talk Forever About Deep Topics Party
If it’s 12 a.m. or later and your friends have been drinking, they are suddenly experts on a whole lot of things they need to tell you about for hours.
2. The Viewing Party
The viewing party requires constant strategy. You have to fight for the best seat and make sure no one steals it. And then you have to have a non-view-blocking path to the snacks or you’re totally screwed. And if you get stuck in a dining room chair off to the side in no-man’s-land, game over. You failed.
3. The Bachelor Party
Just focus on the stripper and try to block out any deep inner feelings of sadness.
4. The Bachelorette Party
Just think, one day someone said, “You know what the world needs? A penis straw.” And then it really happened.
5. The Dance Party
Dance parties typically happen after someone aggressively says “We want to dance” a bunch of times. They’re not taking no for an answer.
6. The Kid’s Birthday Party
This will be fine. This will be totally fine. This was a good idea.
7. The Adult Birthday Party
Going to someone’s birthday party and going to the dentist become eerily similar.
8. The Game Night Party
Games are fun…and risky. Giggles dissolve into tense conversations about the correct way to keep store until even Cards Against Humanity turns brother against brother.
9. The Costume Party
It’s fun to dress up…until you realize a costume interferes drastically with all basic functions of life.
10. The Frat Party
Whatever happens, the dean is going to be upset.
11. The Awkward Dinner Party
Hosting a dinner party always seems like a good idea right up until the people are in your home and you have to keep feeding them and talking to them.
12. The Pizza Party
Not much can elicit joy like the phrase “pizza party.” It’s perhaps the simplest party concept there is. You could probably call any group gathering involving pizza a “pizza party.” Hell, you eating pizza alone in your apartment can qualify as a pizza party.
13. The Slumber Party
The childhood slumber party is the fastest way to find out which of your friends are dicks, if you didn’t already. You never truly realize some of your friends are out of control until you have to share a sleeping arrangement.
14. The Sausage Party
A sausage party is when you get together with some friends to sample a bunch of different kinds of sausages. It’s pretty fun.